I've been watching this situation closely albeit not through very objective eyes as you may have guessed from the title.
Earlier in the week i noticed the #survivingrkelly and #muterkelly threads and i suited up ready to defend my musical mentor as any respectable superfan would do.
I have had more time to look through the allegations and mull it over in my mind since then and I would like to respectfully share my thoughts on the man, the victims and the situation.
First of all I don't think there are many who believe the man is innocent of these allegations. Even the most die-hard fan (*cough*me) understands there is no smoke without fire.
But there is a lot of smoke in terms of opinions, allegations, rumours, speculations, celebrities riding through on their high horses (Shut up John Legend) - everyone has a new story or 2 cents to throw into this media circus.
I have to admit, it wasn't easy for me to take my hero off his pedestal and see him as a flawed man, but I have tried to be objective and I hope regardless of your viewpoint you can also reciprocate.
For clarity in my own mind, i have tried to boil it down to two sections - The Victims and The man, and this is based on what i have gathered about the situation off some of the interviews i was able to watch and research I have done on the internet.
First i will speak on the victims.
1. Lets establish the fact that there are multiple allegations of Kelly "engaging in sexual acts" with underage girls. To me this is the most heinous of the allegations.
I feel Rkelly needs to be held accountable for this as they were the most impressionable group and i feel somebody should have protected them - even if it was against their own wishes.
The next group of victims i have broadly classified as the women he flew in and "held hostage" in his mansion and recording studios, these have been the more vocal group and i empathise with them, but not as much as any of the other two categories of victims
and I will explain why in subsequent paragraphs.
The last victim is his wife Andrea Kelly, and she for me was the turning point in my mind in terms of holding Rkelly accountable for these allegations. Whether or not she was faking - I really felt her pain in her interview, and whatever is the real truth - I believe she loves the man.
The Underage Girls
I would like to respectfully ask any female member of the #metoo movement or the #muterkelly movement to answer the below
"At what age did you first engage willingly in a sexual act, and what age was your partner?"
If this question is answered honestly, I am expecting a range of answers but i am also expecting a sizable amount to have started in their early teens. This is based on personal experience from when i was growing up and even just a poll of social media today.
On twitter i gave personal examples of young girls catcalling me in the park whilst i was training, or even correspondence with my young teenage niece where she signs off with many hearts and kisses leading me to control what interaction she has with me.
Also working as a door supervisor in a club a lot of underage girls try to sneak into clubs with fake ids, i'm pretty sure they are not there for the music.
Girls at this age are experiencing a lot of emotions and hormones and many latch on to older males for affection and attention as many find boys their age immature. A few of the victims did not have father figures in their lives and unfortunately this is not rare in the black community. But what role did this have to play in regards to their self esteem in relation to men?
However, to play the devils advocate - it is not impossible to believe that Rkelly was actually targeted by many of these young girls due to his fame, charisma and looks. More to the point, based on the fact that he was a high value male even desired by a wide range of women higher than these girls in the pecking order -its not far fetched to believe this may have made him even more of a conquest for some.
If you listen to this interview, despite the understandable bias of the person who uploaded it - Rkelly states Aaliyah (may her beautiful soul rest in peace) was hanging around the studio and possibly emboldened by her friends was "talking smack" to Rkelly "age ain nothing but a number" (you can find this at the 3:27 mark) which implies that she had some level of control in this relationship, and also in the interview she seems remarkably comfortable with kelly despite the title.
NONE of this excuses Rkelly
BUT
i would like to add this to the narrative - especially due to the fact that he married Aaliyah and she was a year under the legal age of consent in georgia - perhaps he was in love? perhaps he didnt view it the way we do.
The whole point of this line of thought is encouraging people to think past your sentiments, whether for or against Rkelly and understand there are several levels to address if we are serious about fixing the problem - or perhaps we just want to punish a scapegoat. Whichever outcome you want, atleast be honest about it.
The question in my mind as a father, brother and uncle is where where their brothers? uncles, Fathers? Why were these girls allowed access to him so freely? Where is the accountability?
As black folk are there lessons we can learn from this?
To explain my point, you can watch Lisa Van Allens interview with the breakfast club where she details that she met Rkelly when she was 17 at a video shoot she went to with a friend who was an aspiring singer - in essence she was a groupie.
She claims she was "targeted" by Rkelly, but i would like to ask if she felt targeted -or flattered by the attention when it happened? was she not aware of his age? Was she not aware of his reputation? She calls him a master manipulator in hindsight, but she never mentions any of the things that made her fall in love with him or why she chose him.
The danger is these women are acting like getting rid of one man will end the early sexualization of the black female or young females from any race for that matter and this is the farthest thing from the truth.
Especially in todays world with high suicide rates amongst young girls due to unrealistic beauty expectations and the toxic nature of bullying and body shaming on social media, amongst other things - it is hard for a young queen not to try to find her worth in any lovers eyes.
These women calling for the demise of Rkelly are presenting themselves as strong independent women yet in another role are playing the role of victims and naive puppets in the hands of an evil genius. How can you be a role model for a young girl if you do not have the strength to confront your own demons? How can you heal someone else when you have not fully addressed your own pain? How can teach young girls to avoid your mistakes when you haven't admitted to making any?
These celebrities - (Tank comes to mind) talking about how Rkelly is treating our "Queens" - who is a Queen? What does a queen do? Does a queen take off her clothes while men throw 1's at her? Does a queen grab another queen by her wig or weave or whatever brand of fake hair shes wearing and proceed to wrestle with her in the middle of the street? Does a queen walk around addicted to Crack?
What are we saying? why do we as black people love the cloak of hypocrisy so much?
I would like to ask Jada, respectfully - if in her opinion does Cardi B represent a queen in her mind? what about Nicki Minaj? - these are the role models shaping the next generation of black women. These ladies are out here referring to themselves as all manner of "ho" and "bitch" and they know what their core demographic is. Where is the campaign to address this aspect of the problem?
How are we supposed to take you seriously. You just want to drag Rkelly as he represents something you hate.
Understandably.
But shouldnt we as intelligent people try to understand it first? How can we prevent something we dont understand.
These weren't well balanced young girls Rkelly took advantage of, these were young girls and women who were already damaged by a socio-economic structure that made them easy prey for so-called men like Rkelly.
This is also not a well balanced man, this is a man who was damaged by the same socio economic structure that made him easy prey for women and girls like that - but we will get to that.
People in condemning Rkelly forget who he was and what his music did to women, he had girls and women constantly throwing themselves at him - the below excerpt is off wikipedia about a young woman who was having an affair with Rkelly against the wishes of her boss.
An intern with the label whose work suffered after she began a relationship with Kelly, ultimately costing her the position, settled with Epic for $250,000; Cathy Carroll, the executive she worked for, regularly rebuked her former subordinate for having an affair with a married man whenever the two met at social functions for years afterwards, and the damage to the woman's reputation led her to abandon her career in the music industry. Carroll told the newspaper the woman was "starstruck ... A lot of times it's not really the men.
I listen to these ladies who survived Rkelly and as much as i try to listen with an open mind - the fact that they just compress their personal responsibillity into the "I just had enough" statement makes me question why they didnt have enough sooner.
Also the above shows that some of these women are benefiting from this situation - this is dangerous. What stops another woman who was not abused from jumping on the bandwagon and trying to cash out on another celebrity?. Look at the Cristiano Ronaldo case? or the Tierra marie case with 50 cent - it happens, so sometimes we are sceptical, some of it may be true, but some of it may be lies especially when there is profit to be made.
Once again, this is not excusing his behaviour but rather addresses grown women who state they were controlled and manipulated to the point of ignoring their families and staying in this situation for months and years, even returning to this "hostage situation" after they were forcibly rescued.
If it was indeed a hostage situation Kelly should be facing charges of kidnapping, and maybe he will - but he also paid for plane tickets and accommodation for these girls who had the free will to come to see him, enjoyed front row tickets to his shows and perhaps numerous other privileges that come with dating a star.
Black girls need rehabillitation as does Rkelly, criminals should be investigated and punished for their crimes, but traumatized people should be treated through the appropriate channels and not be subject to trial by public opinion. Maybe this was the only way the victims could get our attention and get more people talking about it.
But if we are going to talk lets stick to facts and offer constructive solutions respectfully - the victims should not be shamed and the man should be able to face the allegations in a space where he has the opportunity to explain or redeem himself.
I will start and conclude this second part as quickly as I can as i appreciate the time you beautiful people have already spent on this with me.
Who is Rkelly?
First lets start with what is already general knowledge - R Kelly is an enigma, a musical maestro behind some of the greatest hits the world has ever heard. He is a titan in the music business, writing and performing melodies that many of us have laughed to, cried to and fucked to.
If the last part of that makes you cringe, keep reading.
Rkelly is also 52 years old which means he is from a different era, an era where controlling your women meant you were a pimp and a playa. What these women call manipulation in smaller doses is a mutual part of ANY relationship - in a different era what these women describe as manipulation would be applauded as "game".
Look i'm trying to be honest with you
"If you love me you wont try to change me"
Is he cold blooded or has he somehow justified his actions in his mind?
Was his behaviour reinforced by the same social and physical rewards that are currently reinforcing the narrative of the online #metoo movement?
Who is Rkelly?
A predator or a victim himself?
Here is a man who had no father figure, who's mother had to work long days to provide for her family.
An 8 year old who was molested by a family member - allegedly his older sister Theresa(15)
(Ironically the same or similar age range of some of the girls he allegedly had relations with)
Why do we live in a society that doesnt take mens pain or emotions seriously?
Listen to Rkellys brother Carey detailing how he was molested by his older sister Theresa- for some of you it might be hard to watch.
Many of these women who are speaking on RKelly or even have been involved with him did they bother to try and know or fix the man? - and maybe some do(Lisa van allen and his ex wife Andrea have spoken in interviews about trying to help him) but this act judges them because knowing he is a sick man - is this the way to deal with a sick person?
For clarification when i use the word "sick" i dont use it like the media has used it, because sick does not mean "condemn and destroy" sick indicates an individual is in desperate need of healing and restoration.
What frustrates me about some most women is they make assumptions about men but never really take the time to understand a mans nature.
Hardly a reference to science or sociology or psychology, just the same tired statements that have been passed around for decades that gives women an excuse not to think.
Some women on social media will dismiss a valid statement or facts by labelling a man something he's not - thereby excusing themselves from actually using their brains to understand and come up with a counter point.
Some women typically assign virtue to a man based on how he treats them, understandable - but somehow do not realize how self-centered this approach is.
Forgive me if this sounds harsh but there are quite a few women out there who do not sympathise or care about men, their stand for women is against men - all men. They are the same ones who watched the video above and think its fake or he deserved it - and if this is you you have the mind of the terrorist, but you also deserve love.
Who is Rkelly??
This is a man who's recorded first love also happened at 8 years old, a friend he lost to premature death which he still speaks about as a grown man.
Quick question
How many of you women have actually read his biography Soulacoaster?
Does caring about women mean not caring about men and their rehabilitation? are we at war?
John Legend has to apologise for appearing in a picture with Weinstein as if Weinstein is not capable of moments of being a decent human being? How is John Legend guilty for not knowing what another man did behind closed doors?
(John Legend this doesn't mean we are friends, i still think you're a prick for not writing this before i did, but safe.)
If we are indeed at war, then men we need to stop laying down while this group kicks us in the balls and we need to start fighting back.
But if we are not at war, why do we not dialogue with open minds and hearts and seek understanding? As if we are perfect human beings incapable of flaws or weaknesses.
I have idiopeople who come at me in a personal way for daring to have a slight difference in opinion. who then label me as a pedophile because i dont want to see Rkelly dead. I must be a bad person I must want to exploit women like he does to not agree with your opinion.
I have wanted to go OFF so many times at the arrogance and self righteousness that comes out of some of my contemporaries, but i have kept it together because, calming music and prayer.
(Look up labelling and the psychology of genocide, this is a nifty trick Trump and the news media uses as well to dehumanise people so you can cut ties with them or even engage in violence towards them - it helps you preserve your world view but you just rack up enemies
or victims.
Wrapping up.
Who is RKelly?
In one of the documentaries he is recorded as speaking to a close friend or brother (i'm not sure now) about his sickness and how he couldn't stop recording himself with these girls and how he knew it would catch up to him and get him in trouble.
Behind the man bravado and arrogance maybe there was a desperate man who could not or did not help himself, a man who had moments of clarity but lost himself in the pleasures of his position.
I listen to "Elsewhere" and the magic in the pain of that song - you can hear his voice at 4:14, bruh do you not feel that in your soul?? Are you dead inside?
and "You saved me" and "Spirit" - songs like this make me wish he listened and stayed more on that side.
If we believe "It seems like you're ready" why do we disregard "Heaven I need a Hug?".
Rkelly has been involved in gospel music and has revealed things in his music about his own personal demons and how he's trying to save himself.
But its no doubt his music is incredibly sexualised, where did this come from? All the so called freaky things he was into - that he "schooled" these girls in, where did he himself learn this?
Black people we need to do better.
Praise to the black women who try to heal and protect our black men but most seem to be bent on labeling us as good for nothing predators -you don't seem to respect or appreciate us for what we are but hate us for what we seem to not be doing for you. So where do we go? what does this do for us as a race?
What is the resolution?
I dont know how this ends or if it will end.
But ideally I would like to see Rkelly face up to these allegations and get whatever punishment that comes with it.
I would like to see him admit he was wrong.
I would like to see him seek help and take some time to fix himself.
I would like to see elders in the black community wrap arms around him and mentor him.
I would like to see forgiveness, i would like to see redemption.
I would like these female accusers do well for themselves independently and not just hear them in connection with his name anymore.
I would like to see them takes steps to get therapy for themselves
and then continue to mentor or advise other young girls.
I would like young girls to spend more time talking to their grandmas.
I would like to hear more honest music from the R as noone puts their life in music more beautifully than he does.
I would like to see a culture that stands behind their legends, and doesn't surrender their treasures so easily.
My Mother has a saying
"dont throw away the baby with the bath water"
In conclusion...
there are not that many of us that has impacted any subject matter as indelibly as Rkelly has impacted music.
Its a shame that some black people would just surrender a part of our history without deep thought of the consequences. The fact that the man has almost destroyed lives is heartbreaking, but the fact that his music has saved lives is heartwarming - why cant we view situations with a balanced view - why must it always be extremes?
Regardless of what you chose to do with this situation and what you have read - i appreciate you staying with me till the end.
I hope everybody in this situation finds healing
Thank you
God bless you
God save the King.
